Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Phil Steele's My Football Heart... Again

I get a "Holiday" feeling when Phil Steele's College Football Preview Magazine hits store shelves. Not the "drunk on eggnog" type feeling---but the warm, fuzzy glow of the unknown.  

-Who has the 32nd ranked set of linebackers? 
-Who has Phil pegged as his #9 Suprise Team? 
-What new abbreviations will Phil drop on us this year? Or as he 
  might write: 'What new ABB will P Drop TY?'

It's Like A Hotel Cable Guide

Oh, the abbreviations... this year, Phil has 215 abbreviations in play... all to help get MORE INFO into TIGHT SPACES!! Among my favorites for the 2013 edition:



  • GUB-Games Under their Belt. Sure, this could be a category at the Adult Film Awards, but in the world of College Football, it's a tell-tale stat, and NOT a Charlie Weis joke.
  • SCHLP-Scholarship.  Although, pronouncing the abbreviation, "Shlep" is another way to refer to Mike Gundy in terms of his transfer rules.  
  • TRUE-True Freshman. How cool would it be to have "TRUE" following your name in a national publication. Adds some street cred... try it: (Your Name) TRUE.  Feel free to pause between your last name and saying, "True".  Word.
  • SOD-Stopped On Downs.  There has to be a metal band in the Florida panhandle named, SOD.  I am using what I believe to be their crowd-pleasing'est song as the soundtrack for this narrative. 
  • CONC-Concussion.  Here, Phil could have just used the word, "Conk" and gotten the same mileage out of the deal.
Phil and his merry band of assistant editors pore through so much statistical data for our enjoyment, they should get diamond-studded pocket protectors. 

Were you concerned about your lack of knowledge when it comes to the number of career starts by returning offensive linemen among MAC schools? Take your head out of the Sack Of Shame, good man.  Phil (Man Of) Steele is here to save the day!! The Toledo Rockets returning Offensive Linemen have a combined 78 career starts among their beefy, corn-fed bodies. Compared to the 26 career starts for MAC newbie, UMass... the Minutemen are in big trouble for those Tuesday night MAC-tion packed contests.


Cascio's Manager's Special For Thursday:
Chicken Marsala, Side Salad and Garlic Bread!
Cascio's Sandwich Of The Day For Thursday:
Chicken Philly Cheese Sub!!

Steele delivers the verbose data as well, i.e., Top 40 teams. 
-Yawn.

Give me more under-the-nails-dirt, PS... come on man... I've gotta' have it... it's good stuff, man... oh... that's it:
  • Plays Per Point.  
Seriously? Phil... what the hell is Plays Per Point? I see where Oregon led the nation in your new statistical category with a scant 1.64 plays per point (LaTech was fourth with 1.71 plays per point) while those thin-lined UMass Minutemen took a nation's worst 5.64 plays to generate a single point per game.  But how can I seriously use this in pre-game analysis? Is it a big deal to take 2.10 plays per point like the Red Wolves of Arkansas State compared to the 2.13 plays per point those slugs of UT-San Antonio posted last season? 


All these stats combine to make Phil Steele the Phil Steele of pigskin predictions. Oh, you didn't know Phil Steele is the most accurate football forecaster? Uh... hello...
He's Kind Of A Big Deal

You can have your Lindy's, Athlon, Sporting News and whatever else shows up on Barnes and Nobles store shelves... I'll take the Superman of prognosticating any and every June to get my pigskin sweat swervin'!