Thursday, June 13, 2013

Funroe? Monroe Woes Plague Saban And Peters

Monroe, Louisiana.

Funroe. 

Drag strip for a former east Texas high school star, ex-Razorback and current NFL offensive lineman.

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Capital city of gut-wrenching for the most prominent football coach in the land.

More on those two subjects in just a bit, but first... let's delve into what makes Monroe, Funroe:
  • Parker Posey's hometown. "Mighty Wind" and "Best In Show" are some of the most underrated classic comedies of the early 21st century.
  • Coca-Cola was first bottled by the Biedenharn family here.
  • Delta Airlines founded by the Biedenharn's here.
  • World's first crop-dusting service started by Collett Woolman over 100 years ago.  Saved cotton crops from Boll Weevil infestation.
  • Duck Dynasty's patriarch, Willie Robertson is a native.
  • Siesta: Liquor, Beer, Dancing.  Greatest bar in the history of mankind, at least from 1983-1986.
See? Look at what the 9th largest city in Louisiana has to offer! Who WOULDN'T want to slide their 350 pound frame behind the steering wheel, drop the hammer and floor it in Funroe?

Jason Peters certainly couldn't resist!

Sure, the former Queen City Bulldog has run afoul of the law before in north Louisiana with a Disturbing The Peace and Loud Music citation in #RatchetCity a couple of years ago.  That's how we treat the Peace and love our music in Shreveport (Must have been a cop from out of town that cited him).  But this time, Peters- proving the rehab for his torn Achilles that kept him off the field in 2012 is all better-used that healed heel to push the pedal to the metal in a drag race with a "blue sedan" just before 5:00 a.m. Wednesday.  

The good news? Peters, driving a white Camaro, won the race!! By default. The driver of the blue sedan pulled over when the blue lights flashed behind him.  Peters? he kept driving as if he had teetered Jay Ratliff onto his heels, with LeSean McCoy darting past in search of paydirt. 




The bad news?
While driving a little past the whistle is part of the game in the NFL, driving at speeds in excess of 100 miles per hour with police chasing you is a penalty in Life. 

I'm pretty sure Jason Peters has regrets about tangling with danger in Funroe.  


I'm confident Nick Saban has deeper, darker feelings for the city. 

The uber-coach recently warmed the cockles of the Athens, Tennessee Chamber Of Commerce bank account by appearing as their guest speaker for the CofC's big fund-raiser.  Yes, several Tennessee Volunteer fans expressed their displeasure with the head of the Chamber for
bringing the Prince of Snarkness into their backyard.  But math is math, even in Tennessee. The Chamber sold more tickets for Saban's appearance than any other previous speaker (with over 1,200 tickets sold, Saban displaced Kirk Cameron as the CofC record-holder... talk about "Left Behind"!), proving the risk was well worth the reward.

During his speech to the adoring throng, Saban provided a typical coach-speak type address.  However, according to the SBNation account of his appearance, Saban lowered his guard and dropped this nugget, "the lowest point of his career was losing to ULM(onroe) in 2007".




Let that soak in.

Added to Jason Peter's woes, my belief in Funroe is strengthened.

Truism: 
  • You can enjoy the fast life in Funroe but you have to slow down in Monroe. 

Twoism:
  • Monroe can deliver gut-punches.  Funroe exploits it and lets it fester in the black-pocket of Nick Saban's heart, now and forever-more.