Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Duck Dynasty Not In Jeopardy Thanks To NCAA

The NCAA came down feathery-hard on Oregon for using Will Lyles to funnel players to Eugene in return for $25,000.  

  • No bowl ban.  
  • Loss of one scholarship each of the next three years. 
  • No use of recruiting services (Rivals, 24/7, LYLES, etc.) for a year.       
  • Former head coach, Chip Kelly, now coaching Philadelphia, can't coach in college over the next 18 months.
Not exactly dropping the hammer on the program.  

This made me wonder...

If the NCAA started running the Department of Wildlife and Fisheries, Ducks would have strip joints and gambling halls all along their migratory route.  

If the NCAA were the judge on The People's Court, the defendant would be awarded Rusty's gun and get their parking validated even if he were found guilty.

If the NCAA coached Adam James at Texas Tech, Craig's kid would have been punished by being sent to a dark room called a "Cineplex" and given unlimited refreshments.

If the NCAA handled live ammo the way they meted out their punishment of Oregon, no one would get shot...ever.

If the NCAA appeared in Dirty Dancing, they would wholeheartedly agree to keep Baby out of the corner. 

If the NCAA were the Athletic Director at Arkansas, Bobby Petrino would be the first head coach with a grad-assistant gravel-remover on staff for those unfortunate "spills" on a motorcycle.

If the NCAA were TD Ameritrade Park, the outfield fences would be pushed back 70 feet. 

If the NCAA were running things Johnny Manziel would make nothing off sales of his jersey and his name.  Wait a minute...

If the NCAA had to punish Paula Deen, they would make her eat fried chicken, cinnamon-fried apples and two cupcakes with butter-frosting.

If the NCAA ran movie theaters, talking and texting during the movie would get you a free refill of popcorn and coke.

Today, the NCAA basically said if you skirt the rules, win and have the most influential athletic booster in America on your side (think "swoosh") everything is cool. 

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