Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Will It Go 'Round In Circles?

Shiny Cal Bear!
The college football coaching carousel is a ride that looks fun and frivolous from a distance. Walking toward the Silly Season Amusement Park & Emporium's most popular destination, you stop by the turkey leg shack. May as well grab some cotton candy. Is that frozen lemonade? "What's the biggest size you got? 96 ounces? What about filling up that #2 wash tub with it? Great!"

Now filled with enough tryptophan to knock out Gus Johnson during the waning moments of an Oregon-Stanford thriller...countered with a sugar intake to make the south Louisiana cane fields stand at attention, you arrive at the Carousel. Ohhhhh. These lights... Spinning... Coaches grinning with bridles in their mouths...  What's that noise? Kenny Chesney's "Boys Of Fall,"-Chipmunk version? Gonna' get... So.. Sick... Don't wanna' ride anymore...

I just want to watch.

I thought this was photo-shopped at first
Is the Cal Golden Bear still without a rider? Old Smokie looks sad with Gruden just toying with him. Who is that climbing aboard the Razorback? Bret Bielema? Ha! He's such a prankster! Check it! His young bride is hopping on as well. Hahaha... "Hey, Beez... Last coach to hop on a Hog with a hot blonde ended up with a face full of pea gravel, unemployed and crying during an amber-lit ESPN piece! Get off a there dude! Let little Malzahn have a turn."
Newlyweds. Keep Her Off The Bike

Wait a second.

"Beez isn't hopping off. He's thrown a hog hat on top of his landing strip. What the Woo! Pig! Sooie! Is happening? Little Malzahn is up there on the War Eagle? "

The Coaching Carousel is now officially a dangerous, arm-chewing mechanism. It's powered by erroneous twitter feeds and 89 octane wild speculation. At one point Tuesday afternoon, two reporters from the same newspaper tweeted opposing information regarding the same coaching vacancy! Try raising your head above the cubicle and coordinating.  

The ride sucked me in as well. Friday night, I tweeted about a coach interviewing for two  separate gigs, hours apart, in a Chicago hotel.  The horse's mouth wasn't too far removed from a corrective voice: "what you tweeted is completely wrong." 

It's tough to eat crow, fall on a sword, crawfish and save face in 140 characters or less. But I tried. As sickening as it was to fuel the beast, it feels that much better to be sitting on a park bench, a safe distance from the inevitable spew.  
Football Scoop vs. Coaching Search

The silly season has grown into quite the profitable cottage industry---but look at some of the collateral damage. Brothers operating opposing websites, swearing off communication? All to have the Purdue head coach scoop 15 seconds before the other. Happy Holidays! And yes, i follow both on twitter.

Will I still doggedly pursue the story involving the possible movement of Louisiana Tech's Sonny Dykes? Of course. It's my job. But i think i can do so without feeling like the Carnie cheated me out of some change and in need of a Prilosec drip. 

******UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE******
Dykes At His Introductory Press Conf.
Louisiana Tech now has a Bulldog on the carousel after Sonny Dykes agrees to mount the Cal Bear on the Circle of Coaching Life.  When I arrived in Shreveport, Joe Raymond Peace was the Louisiana Tech coach. Covered his last press conference and Gary Crowton's first. Crowton's last and Jack Bicknell III's first. We were there to say C-Ya to JB3 and howdy to Derek Dooley.  Dooley's quick exodus didn't allow us time for a swan song presser (nobody complained)... and now, Sonny is heading to Cal and the Dogs go back on the hunt.

From our San Francisco ABC station, a press conference should take place in Berkley tomorrow.  Perhaps we won't have an exit interview with Dykes... if not, I wish Sonny nothing but the best. I said it on the show this morning that he has as much potential as any coach in the country.  Hard to win a national title at Cal---but i would be willing to wager my cheated Carnie change that Dykes captures a Pac12 title within 3 years.  Great coach. Great guy... and friendly to the fans and media.

Let's see who this next press conference brings to Lincoln Parish... outside of JBIII, it's been three and done for Crowton, Dooley and Dykes.

Will Tech continue to be a stepping stone to bigger, better-paying gigs? Sure... just like Houston, Southern Miss, Tulsa, etc. So, why throw an extra $400-$500,000 at the next whistle-wearer in Ruston, when you know he will be moving on by the time the 2016 season rolls around?